My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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