I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
