Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I deserve this hangover.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
