she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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