covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
