He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
