She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
