We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
