You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize