I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
