if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
