I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
