FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
