On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
