I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
