I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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