Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
