Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
