that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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