Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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