I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize