The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
