I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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