Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
