i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
