so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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