I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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