Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
