The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
