I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
