so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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