WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
