I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
