it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize