So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
