first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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