Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
