ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
