cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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