I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
