talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
