is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
