i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
