I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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