Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
