the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
