went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
