I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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