i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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