Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize