She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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