the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
