I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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