You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
