i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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