I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
