new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
