so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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