I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Never underestimate the power of titties
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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