I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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