the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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