every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
